The Letters and Words
by teeea
Summary: Ed has disappeared and Roy struggles to cope.
1. The Letters

_This comes in two parts and here's the first one. _

* * *

**The Letter****s and Words**

* * *

_**The L**__**etters**_

_My Dearest Roy, _

_If you are reading this it means that something went wrong. I am so sorry, Roy. I never wanted to leave you. I knew that following this lead would be dangerous, but I had to do it, for Al and for myself. Please forgive me. _

_Your Edward_

Roy walked through the heavy rain. It had been raining for a long time, day in day out, and there was no end in sight. Just dark, cold and wet. The streets were empty of life. Just like the man himself. People were in their homes, dry, warm and spending time with their families. Roy kept his steady pace and didn't hurry even though he was soaking wet and shivering with cold. He'd left his umbrella in his office. It was dark. Normally, he would have hurried home as quickly as he could. He hated the rain. He felt totally useless and not like himself. He used to be fire through and through and the rain suffocated him. Now, though, there was no fire left in Roy. It all died that day. Normally, he would have hurried home to be with Ed. But not anymore. There was no reason to hurry.

Roy walked past the library and for a moment he thought he saw a small figure in a red coat walking through the doors. He hurried his steps but then the figure disappeared like mist in the mornings over the fields in Resembool. Roy wanted to disappear, too.

The rain got harder as Roy walked deep in thought. It was difficult to see where he was walking. Rainwater washed his face and made his ink black hair stick to his neck and forehead. Ed had disappeared somewhere in the North Area, or it could have been anywhere as far as Roy knew but the last he's heard of Ed, he was heading to the North City. Then there was nothing. No a word from him, no phone calls. Roy had been standing at the train station countless of times, waiting and hoping. Maybe the boy was on his way to him? That's where Roy was coming from now. The afternoon train came and people stepped out. His eyes searched for golden fair hair, but he couldn't see the one he was looking for.

Roy made the effort to go to the office every day even though it had no meaning for him anymore. He got up, washed himself, ate breakfast and while doing all of this, he would ignore the evidence that someone else, too, had lived in the house. Roy ignored Ed's clothes, Ed's hair brush and Ed's books. There were so many books.

When he came home late at night he would, however, let himself drown in memories. He would smell Ed's clothes, hold his hair brush and other things that belonged to him and read his books.

The he would lay on the bed, on Ed's side and do nothing. No, there was no fire left in Roy.

Roy opened the door and closed it quietly behind him. It was pitch dark inside the house, but Roy didn't bother to switch the lights on. Instead, he walked to the bedroom and sat down on the bed. His clothes dripped rainwater on the bed covers. The rain continued to be heavy outside and the raindrops hit the bedroom window hard. This was the most it had rained during this season of rain and misery. Rain drops formed rives as they travelled down the glass.

It was a month after Ed disappeared when Roy found the first letter. It was hidden in a place Ed had though Roy would find it. Roy didn't even go near his study for a long time. He despised work and everything to do with the military because it only reminded him how it had taken Ed away from him but one day he sat at his desk and opened the drawer. And there it was; a folded piece of paper.

And then the gates opened and Roy cried until he felt empty to the core.

There were more messages. One in the kitchen cupboard, one between Roy's important alchemy book, one in his jacket pocket and one hidden under the bed. It was like Ed was back, talking to him. Roy read the messages hungrily and memorised every letter of every word Ed had written to him.

Wet and cold, Roy laid down on the bed. He coughed and closed his eyes sleepily. And just as he wanted, the sleep came and took him away, soothed his consciousness, making the endless longing a little bit easier to bear.

Even in his sleep Ed's voice echoed in his head. The letters… Ed was trying to make it easier for him with the notes, Roy knew it. Ed didn't want him to give up on life.

_It pains me to think that you would be unhappy. _This was the one he found in his laundry basket. It seemed that every time Roy did something like a normal human being would do, continued to live just a little bit, he got a few letters of encouragement in return from Ed.

Roy turned in his sleep and his hands searched the empty space next to him as though following an instinct

_I won't let you close your heart. _This one Roy found in his best shoe after allowing Hughes to take him out for a drink. He hadn't been out for days then.

Roy's arms snaked around a pillow and hugged it close to his chest.

_I would love to spare you from the pain. _In a coffee cup…

Then why did you go?

_You need to turn away from me. _This one made Roy angry.

Roy made a little unhappy noise.

_I will wait for you forever. _

The voice sounded so real.

"_I will never leave you again."_So real.

Roy liked the dream. He swore he could even feel Ed's touch caressing his face.

"_Everything will be allright,__" _the voice said.

"I love you, Ed," Roy mumbled.


	2. The Words

_**The Words**_

The words echoed in Edward's head.

"_Tell me where the Stone is!"_

"_I don't have it and even if I did I wouldn't tell you, bastard!" No, Edward needed it himself, more than anything. _

_He felt a fist against his face and a sound of a closing door before the world went black again. _

Ed stepped out of the train. He was one of the few people arriving to Central on that early morning. He looked at the sky; it was raining and it was still dark. His delicate body shook as the first rain drops touched his face. He walked to the station building as quickly as he could. He didn't have anything else than the clothes he wore with him. Ed let his eyes scan the faces of people standing and waiting for someone. He wasn't there. Of course not. How would he know he was coming back? Edward wished he would be still waiting for him, somewhere, regardless. He would find out soon.

Edward walked through the rain. As he passed familiar military buildings, a strong feeling of longing and missing filled his mind. He never thought he would miss Central so much. Ed had been away for longer times before, but never before had he thought he might not be here again. And then there was Roy. Would he forgive him? He had been selfish going without telling him, but he had had to. He had no other choice, and Roy would have stopped him. It was dangerous, but Ed had chosen that path long ago and nothing was going to stop him from achieving the seemingly impossible. But even though he knew he hadn't had any other choice that didn't stop Ed missing Roy. Roy was Ed's reason to come back. As he walked the rain began to subside slowly. The air was fresh and easy to breath. Soon mist formed everywhere reminding Ed of morning fields in Resembool.

He wondered whether Roy had found his letters. Did they bring him any comfort? Did they help him move on? As much as it had hurt Ed to help Roy move on in case something happened to him, he knew it was for the best.

Edward stopped at the door. After a moment of hesitation, he opened it. He was nervous. Maybe Roy didn't want him back anymore.

It was dark. All the curtains seemed to be tightly closed, stopping any morning light coming in, keeping the new day arm length away. Ed closed the door quietly and walked into the house. It was as though nothing had changed. He switched the lights on. His shirt was on the armrest the sofa, his coat hanging on a hook in the hall, his coffee cup on the kitchen counter and his book on the table. It was as though everything was like he left it. Edward felt guilty. Had Roy not found his letters? Edward didn't want Roy to stay in the past; he should have put his clothes away. Even though he was back now…

Slowly Ed moved to the bedroom. The door was open and the room was just as dark as the rest of the house had been. And there he was: curled on the bed, on top of the covers, wearing his uniform and heavy overcoat. Ed sat on the edge of the bed on placed his hand on his shoulder. Edward frowned. Roy's clothes were damp. He stroked his cheek gently, his skin was hot.

"Roy," he whispered.

Roy twitched restlessly.

Edward looked at him. Even in his sleep he looked older, worried and he wasn't looking after himself.

"I'll never leave you again," Ed said.

Roy shivered and curled up even more. "Shhh." Ed touched his face, let his fingers trace along his jaw and lips. "Everything will be all right."

A small smile appeared on Roy's face. "I love you, Ed."

Those were the words Ed had wanted to hear while being away. Worried he would never hear them again.

"Come back," Roy mumbled.

"I'm just here." Ed kissed his forehead. "What have you done to yourself? You're burning hot," he mumbled.

Ed pulled a blanket from the foot of the bed and put it over Roy's shivering frame. Then he lay down next to him. He just looked at Roy for a few minutes, running his hands up and down his back. Slowly, Roy opened his eyes.

"Time to wake up, Roy." Ed smiled.

"Ed? Is that you?"

"Of course it's me."

"But what? How?"

"I took the morning train."

Roy looked confused. "Just when I wasn't there."

"Roy, we need to get you out of these wet clothes. I think you're getting sick."

"But, Ed? What happened?"

"Shh. Let's talk about that later."

Normally, Roy wouldn't have let him get away like that. Normally, he would have shouted at him for doing something stupid and dangerous. He would have demanded answers, but now he could barely focus his eyes on Ed. Roy let Ed help him sit up and undress him. Ed tucked him tightly under the covers. Then he undressed himself and crawled next to Roy.

"I got your letters," Roy whispered.

"I'm glad," Ed said. "And I'm sorry."

Roy curled up again, pulling Ed close to his chest and wrapping his arms tightly around his lover. Ed signed content, not caring that Roy's arms squeezed his slowly healing bruises and wounds, not caring that Roy's skin was burning him like fire. His fire. All he cared about was that he was back, everything was going to be all right and he would never have to leave again. He let out a half cry, half giggle purely out of relief. "I love you, too," he whispered into Roy's ear.

"I still think this is a dream," Roy said, before falling asleep again.

As the morning light crept into the room from behind the curtains, Ed saw a pile of neatly folded letters on the floor next to the bed. He smiled.


End file.
